Kill the Rat
by dumbly-door
Summary: Sirius has been planning this moment for months, but now he's finally broken into the Gryffindor Common Room, he is reminded of the people he held most dear.


Sirius knew the plan. He had rehearsed it over in his mind for the past few months. _Get the password, enter the common room, kill the rat_, he thought, _get the password, enter the common room, kill the rat_. Now he had the list of password and was going through them as rapidly as his could, silently thanking Crookshanks and his animagus ability. He was quickly getting to the end of the list and more desperate when the door finally unlocked. Sirius could see the shadows of furniture from the light of the fire climbing up the walls of the common room. His mind was urging his legs to move, _enter the common room, kill the rat_. _Enter the common room, kill the rat_. But there was a great pain in his chest, almost preventing him to breathe. Sirius had been waiting for this moment for thirteen years, but he never thought in detail that he would be walking through the room he spent with his best friends, his _family_, so many years ago. He finally got his legs to move forward, very slowly, but he managed to walk through the threshold.

Sirius took in a deep breath, after spending so many years memorizing the faces of the people he loved most in this world; he had never seen them more clearly than this moment right now. He looked at the large crimson sofa in front of the roaring fire, and saw James, stretched across it, his head in Lily's lap, who was playing with his hair. Remus was sat in the armchair next to them, peering over the book he was reading, chuckling at the two of them.

James looked up at Sirius, who was unsure if he was dreaming or not, and raised an eyebrow.

"And where have you been, Padfoot?" He asked, causing Lily to look up and give Sirius her warm smile, something he missed the most. Looking in detail at his friends' faces, he noticed how young and care free they were, relaxing in their school uniforms, oblivious to the horrors they would soon face.

"I… I'm sorry. I had some things to do." He croaked, his throat was so dry, he knew this was all inside his head, but he didn't care. The night he lost his James and Lily, he felt as though his heart had physically broken, and could never be mended again. Seeing them here now, although it was hallucination, seemed to ease the last decade of pain.

"Women do not like to be called 'things', Sirius." Remus mumbled, from behind his book. Sirius wanted nothing more than to grab his friend, and apologise for his future actions, for mistrusting the innocent, shy boy he grew up with, for placing his trust in the wrong person. For causing the deaths of the people he cherished most.

James chuckled at Remus' comment, but Lily's eyes focused on Sirius, giving him an anxious look, she stopped playing with James' hair, much to his annoyance.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" she asked, worriedly, pushing James off her lap, who sighed loudly, but was giving Sirius a more concerned look.

"Nothing, I… I just want you to all to know that… I'm sorry." He responded, mainly looking at Lily, the girl who would spend many nights staying up with Sirius, helping him with exam preparations he would leave to last minute, or just patiently listen to him babble on about his life problems. He desperately missed her warm, comforting face, and her caring green eyes, who would never judge his thoughts or feelings. His eyes then fell on James, who had been his entire family since the age of eleven. He was not only his best friend, he was his brother. He would have died willingly for James; he would have happily taken his place if it meant James would be able to live with Lily and Harry. Throughout his imprisonment he thought of conversations he and James would have about this entire situation, whether James would come up with a clever remark, or blame Sirius for not being their Secret Keeper, or maybe help him to concoct a plan to find Peter. _Peter_.

_Enter the common room, kill the rat_.

"Where's Peter?" He asked his friends, his voice tightening with rage, Wormtail was the reason his friends were not here, _actually _talking to him.

The three young students looked at Sirius with confused expressions, as if they did not understand who Peter was. They were frozen; they seemed to be waiting for Sirius to take in the scene in front of him. He looked around at each of them, perplexed. Why were they looking at him like this? He started to walk closer to them, reaching a hand out to James' shoulder, just wanting to touch him one last time. Before Sirius could reach him, the colour of his skin faded, he was almost transparent. Sirius looked up at Lily, who was also beginning to fade, still with a confused expression on her face. Sirius quickly turned to where Remus was sat, to find the seat vacant, his heart beginning to race. He wasn't prepared to say goodbye to his friends. _Not again_.

He turned back round, Lily was barely visible, Sirius could just barely make out her eyes, but he could tell she was smiling at him, giving him a leap of hope. When he could no longer make out the colour of her eyes, his gaze fell on James. His face was still looking at Sirius, wearing his trademark smirk. Sirius felt hot tears blurring his eyesight, making him angrier; he wanted to be able to see his best friend for a few more seconds before he would have to go on without him.

"I miss you, mate." He whispered, not knowing what else to say.

James' grin grew even wider before his face finally disappeared from Sirius' view for the second time in his life. Sirius sighed and grabbed at the empty space James had left.

"Kill the rat." He whispered.

_Kill the rat_.


End file.
